


love is (a bit) difficult

by neowise



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: M/M, past! Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-07-28 15:10:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20066068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neowise/pseuds/neowise
Summary: SM High's perfect couple Jeno Lee and Jaemin Na breaks up. Mark Lee gets entangled in their mess because of Jaemin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My offering for my Leo boys. Happy birthday month Mark and Jaemin. PSA: There is no infidelity in this story. Thank you for reading!

SM High is a pretty typical high school. One can find all the expected cliches of a stereotypical school in this campus. Students move in cliques, social standing is based on popularity, and the student body is big on school spirit especially when against their rival high school from the next town.

In all of Mark Lee’s years in SM High, nothing extra shocking or rumor-worthy ever happened around their school. That is until SM High’s power couple, Jeno Lee and Jaemin Na, breaks up a month before their last year in high school begins.

Apparently, over the summer, Jeno posted on his Facebook about spending a few days in the campuses of his top college choices. When a common friend asked where he and Jaemin plan to go, Jeno simply answered they’re not together anymore. News spread like wildfire and it’s been three days since senior year began but the break up is still what everyone talks about.

“You can’t help but talk about them,” Renjun says, as he munches on his peanut butter sandwich. “They were so perfect for each other and everyone was rooting them.”

Mark’s best friends, Renjun Huang and Jisung Park, were big fans of the couple. They were the one who briefed Mark of the news during the first day of school since Mark didn’t have a Facebook account.

“But there are new rumors going around now,” Jisung says. “They said Jaemin cheated on Jeno.”

Now this breakup should have been the least of Mark’s concerns even if his best friends are very invested in it. He doesn’t know them personally and even if he shared some classes with them before, they barely spoke to each other. Yet somehow, Mark couldn’t easily believe that Jaemin would cheat on Jeno.

Even before dating each other, it was a known fact in their campus that Jeno and Jaemin were the best of friends. They both were easily the most popular students in their school and together they attracted admiration and envy from other students.

Jeno Lee is SM High’s golden boy -- handsome, polite, the star player in their popular basketball team, and tops academically in their batch every year.

Jaemin Na, on the other hand, is SM High’s sweetheart. Jaemin’s congeniality is famous around SM High. He was just nice to all, always friendly and radiates warm affection everywhere he goes.

In their sophomore year, Jaemin also started the volunteers’ club wherein student members do volunteer work twice a month. Mark sometimes joined Renjun do volunteer work with the club in the past.

Somehow, Mark cannot imagine any of them cheating on the other.

“What made them say so?” Mark asks, somehow curious.

“People are saying they had one public fight a few days before prom early this year and Jaemin hinted about wanting something that Jeno cannot supposedly give,” Jisung says.

“But when prom came they were the perfect, happy couple again so people forgot about that fight. Well, until now,” Renjun adds.

“That still doesn’t mean there was someone else involved,” Mark says.

“I know, Mark, that’s why we said it’s just a rumor,” Renjun says. “But that’s what makes this breakup the biggest news right now.”

“We sound so pathetic when you say it like that,” Mark says. “The most story-worthy thing we’d remember in our last year in high school is the break up of two people who don’t even know us.”

**

Mark didn’t have much expectations for his senior high year. He doesn’t have a bucket list to tick off before graduation nor detailed plans how to make his last year in high school more exciting compared to the previous years.

Renjun, of course, doesn’t share the same sentiment.

“Are you really not going to sign up to more clubs, Mark?” he says, waving a stack of forms in front of him.

“I don’t have any interest in other clubs. I just want to pass this year as swiftly as possible,” he replies, ignoring his friend and going back to working on his assignment due in two hours.

Mark gets grades good enough to pass his classes and is part of just one club and only because it’s a school requirement. He doesn’t play any sports and doesn’t even maintain a social media account. He just wants to graduate and go to college and figure the rest of his life next time.

“You keep whining that nothing ever happens in our pathetic lives that we get excited over Jaemin and Jeno’s break up but here you are refusing to actually experience new things and meet new people.”

“You and Jisung and the music club and my own classmates are enough socialization already for me, Renjun. Why are you so adamant that I signed up somewhere else?”

“Because,” Renjun says, lips slightly pouting. “I just think it would be nice for you to meet someone and maybe we can double date soon.”

Mark’s eyes brightened up over this news. “Are you dating someone?”

“No,” Renjun says. “Not yet. But there’s someone I like right now. If we hit it off like I hope so, you’d be the first to know.”

Mark understands his best friend’s uncertainty. He personally experienced it too, thinking you and the other person have mutual feelings only to realize later on that you were just being led on. So Mark reaches out and ruffles Renjun’s hair from delight and says, “My best friend is all grown up now. I hope this guy is genuinely nice to you.”

“How about you? Is there something you want to tell me?” Renjun asks, his voice laced with hesitance. Mark thinks Renjun might be feeling shy since he just confessed about liking someone.

“Nothing really at the moment,” Mark says, without even missing a beat. “But if there was anyone, you and Jisung would be the first to know too.”

**

One thing about living a quiet, monotonous life is that you are slow to notice when there is a change happening around you that involves you directly. But when you see it, you cannot ignore it anymore.

It’s three weeks into his senior year when Mark finds himself tangled in all the mess and current gossip in SM High.

At first he thought he was just imagining it. But by the fourth time he heard his name being whispered in a string of sentences along with Jeno Lee and Jaemin Na that he realized his mind wasn’t inventing it.

He didn’t know what to do about it because he didn’t know what they were talking about. Before he can even ask his friends, someone confronted him about it already.

It was right after his gym class, his last class for the day, when two girls from junior year cornered him.

“When will you and Jaemin confirm your relationship?” the taller one asks.

Mark is, of course, caught off guard. “What do you mean?”

“It was heartbreaking for us that Jaemin and Jeno broke up. But we think you and Jaemin can be a cute couple too, though we don’t know much about you yet,” the shorter girl says rapidly. “We understand you both might be on the lie-low now because the breakup is still new but we can’t wait for the day you’ll both be confident to meet in public.”

Never the most eloquent in front of strangers, Mark simple stammers a “don’t know what you are talking about” and bolts away from the two girls.

When he meets Renjun and Jisung at the school gate minutes later so they can go home together, he immediately asks them what the girls are talking about.

Renjun and Jisung share a meaningful look before Renjun speaks up. “We thought you weren’t just ready to talk about it but I guess you really don’t know what everyone is saying about you and Jaemin right?”

Mark shakes his head furiously, “What am I supposed to know?”

“People are saying you are the reason Jeno and Jaemin broke up. We don’t know which version is true but some are saying Jaemin cheated on Jeno with you,” Jisung says.

“What?!” Mark semi-screams.

“We thought it was absurd too at first and we never saw you together with Jaemin and you never talked about him,” Renjun says.

“That’s because I don’t even know him personally!” Mark says, still shocked.

“...but people presented a few evidence and some made sense, in Jaemin’s part, at least. No one knows about you because you have no social media so they ask us but we don’t know anything too. We thought you were still preparing how to tell us about Jaemin or something,” Renjun continues.

“That’s bullshit. I only found out about their breakup through you so how did I get involved? Does Jaemin Na even know me? I don’t even stand anywhere near him for a long period of time,” Mark says, still in denial.

Nothing from all the realities Mark knows warrant suspicion that he could be dating Jaemin so he is stumped by the accusations. Even his own friends, who he talks to everyday, say the evidence were believable.

“People digged through Jeno and Jaemin’s Facebook accounts to see hints to what could have led to their break-up. I know it’s foul, Mark Lee, don’t give me that look I’m just narrating what happened and I don’t approve too,” Renjun says.

“Good! Because that’s too much,” Mark can’t help but reply.

“And the only unusual activity they found is Jaemin sharing links of your soundcloud posts,” Renjun says.

“What?!” this time Mark really screamed, earning him a few glares from the other passengers of the bus. The commotion made him realize his stop is coming next but the information Renjun shared made him more confused.

“You know that soundcloud you initially made for music club?” Jisung says. “Apparently, Jaemin knows it and he has been sharing your posts. I personally didn’t know you still actively used that account but Jaemin is somewhat like your fan and always praises the things you post there.”

“I just kept on dumping stuff there when I’m bored,” Mark says. “But how did Jaemin know it, he’s not in the music club.”

“You can check his Facebook account tonight if you want. I’ll lend you my account since his settings might be restricted,” Renjun says.

“It still doesn’t make sense how I got involved in this.”

“Just check his account tonight okay? I’m not sure if he deleted them but you should see it for yourself. Anyway, I’m glad you are clueless too and not just purposely hiding things from us,” Renjun says.

**

Later that night, just before going to bed, Mark accessed Renjun’s Facebook account to find the posts that started the rumor.

Jaemin hasn’t been updating his account lately. As he scrolls down, Mark saw his most recent soundcloud post shared in Jaemin’s account. The post is four months old, a cover of Ed Sheeran’s Hearts Don’t Break Around Here.

Mark opens his own soundcloud account. His profile was very discrete, his username was simply mlee82 and he used a random photo of a baby lion as default photo. Unless you know his voice or is part of the music club, you won’t recognize his account.

Mark is confused why Jaemin is sharing his posts but he considers that maybe Jaemin just found it by accident, liked some things he did, and shared it without knowing it’s Mark’s account.

That realization felt bittersweet for Mark because at least Jaemin seems to like his talent but it’s causing him harm because they are saying weird rumors about him.

Mark should feel restless over all the things happening but there is also that tiny happy feeling that comes from knowing that someone like Jaemin knows he exists.

**

The next couple of days are what Mark would fondly remember in the future as the turning point of his highschool life.

He expected the rumors to die down soon because there is nothing that would fuel them. Mark and Jaemin aren’t seen together. Mark doesn’t even see Jaemin that much because he belongs to a different class. No one can confirm anything, Mark denies it when people ask him and Jaemin is not active in social media anymore. People whisper and sometimes make ridiculous assumptions but they ran out of stories too.

That is until one Thursday, clumsy Mark accidentally injures his hand during chemistry class and runs into Jaemin who is manning the clinic as a student assistant.

It was awkward, to say mildly. Mark only realized that moment that Jaemin had heard about the rumors too. Mark never confronted Jaemin, thinking it was not Jaemin’s fault anyway that people jumped to weird conclusions.

In Mark’s defense, he feels flustered too. This is Jaemin Na and everyone in SM High had a secret crush on him at point or another. Even Mark. And he had always cherished seeing his bright smile even if they don’t know each other personally.

But seeing him this close now, after weeks of being hounded by gossip, the usual friendly boy looks timid and barely schools his face into an emotionless one. It’s only now that Mark realizes Jaemin must’ve been affected too.

They didn’t manage to say any greeting to each other because as soon as Jaemin saw his bloody right hand, he immediately tended to his wound as carefully as possible.

“I broke a glass flask in the lab today then stupidly picked it up with my bare hands,” Mark says, trying not to look in Jaemin’s direction.

“I guessed that much,” Jaemin says. His hands were smooth, Mark noticed. “It’s not a big wound but it’s best to clean it and wrap it properly just the same.”

Mark nods, trying not to get affected over Jaemin’s pretty voice.

“Thanks,” he says. “I’ll try to be more careful next time.”

“No problem,” Jaemin says, a smile now showing on his face. “I need you to sign something for the clinic inventory but it’s seems difficult now so just come back when you’re better and tell Nurse Kim you weren’t able to sign the record sheet.”

“Okay,” Mark says with a nod, reciprocating the smile Jaemin throws him.

He starts to move but Jaemin suddenly pushed him to sit again.

“I… I just want to say I’m sorry,” Jaemin says. “I was actually scared to meet you because of the mess I cause. But I really want to apologize.”

“If I’m being honest, I’m just really confused about how I got involved in all of this. I wasn’t even aware you know me.”

Jaemin laughs, throwing his head backwards and Mark starts to feel the awkwardness seep away.

“Of course I know you, Mark Lee. You and Renjun often joined volunteering last year.”

“Oh, I thought you didn’t know that. Not that I think you were ignoring me or something,” Mark says. “I just didn’t think you’d notice.”

“I probably look aloof to you if you think that way,” Jaemin says, pouting. Mark was not ready for the other boy’s reaction. It’s his first time to spend such a long conversation with Jaemin.

“Ah.. no…” he says, stammering. “It’s just we never really got the chance to talk before. I am not the friendliest person out there too, anyway.”

Jaemin flashes him a bright smile, and Mark files it in a secret folder he has in his brain he reserved unconsciously for one Jaemin Na.

“I hope that can change. I’d really like for us to be friends.”

Mark nods, everything around him feeling like a surreal dream. He momentarily forgets he is involved in a nasty rumor with Jaemin who just came from a major break up. He also forgets that Jaemin had been somewhat stalking him, or his soundcloud for that matter.

All he can think about is how Jaemin, a boy he had a small crush on for years, had asked him to be his friend. And who he is to turn him down, right?


	2. Chapter 2

Mark wasn’t really sure what friendship with Jaemin would exactly be like but surely he doesn’t complain when the other boy would smile so brightly at him whenever they meet in the corridors or on the school field.

It started with little gestures, a nod with a smile but then evolved to small waves and actual hi’s. Mark thought they were being subtle, until Renjun and Jisung called him out for it.

“You don’t have to hide whatever you have with Jaemin,” Jisung says. “The more you try to hide it, the more people become suspicious.”

“And besides, Jeno and Jaemin are sharing the same lunch table again with their friends. So people are debunking all the cheating theories already,” Renjun adds.

“I’m not hiding anything,” Mark argues. “He asked if we can be friends so I’m just trying to be a friendlier face in the crowd for him by reciprocating his waves and nods.”

“But you like him,” Renjun says with a smile. It’s not a teasing one, more like a smile assuring Mark that he understands.

“Everyone likes him, Renjun. It’s hard not to.”

“I’m not talking about the kind of like the entire school has on Jaemin. I’m talking about how you like him more than a school crush. It’s so obvious Mark.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s going to be awkward if I keep liking him when he and I just started being friends,” Mark replies.

*

What Mark never expected is for Jaemin to actually want to hang out and spend time with him.

Mark would like to think it was purely coincidental the first time they shared the same table in the library after school hours.

He need reference books for this paper so he was spending extra hours in the library. He wasn’t even there for 30 minutes when Jaemin walked in, spotted him, and sat across him.

Jaemin greeted him happily, as if he was really looking forward to seeing him. They did their school work together for two more hours, taking small breaks in between by exchanging small stories every now and then. Before they separated on their way home, they finally exchanged phone numbers and Mark tried to fight the blush on his cheeks as Jaemin saved his contact in his phone.

The following days, Jaemin would either join them during lunch break or he’d invite Mark to go out after school hours. They don’t always hang out in school. Sometimes they’d hang out in Mark’s house. Sometimes it would be in the park by the river, where Jaemin has a favorite spot.

It was so easy for Mark to be comfortable with this new friendship. Being around Jaemin is definitely a different kind of experience. Mark might be exaggerating it and seeing it from a very bias perspective because of his unconscious small crush on Jaemin since their first year, but being around him gives Mark a lot of reasons to smile everyday.

Jaemin likes asking questions. He always seemed interested about little details in Mark’s life, always curious about Mark’s thoughts, opinions, and daily life stories. And he smiles the widest whenever Mark asks him about his life.

“I like talking about myself too, knowing someone is interested in what I think or how I feel,” Jaemin says, after Mark confessed he was wary if he oversteps some boundaries by asking many personal questions. They were in Mark’s room now and it’s a Friday. He was supposed to meet Renjun and Jisung in an hour but he can’t find it in his heart to turn away Jaemin when he asked if they can hang out.

They were doing their pseudo-20 questions thing again, asking random things about each other.

“But everyone is interested in you,” Mark blurts. “You’re like the whole school’s favorite person.”

Jaemin laughs. “Really? Are people really interested in me or are they only curious if I fit that image of me they created in their minds?”

“What do you mean?” Mark asks.

“Sometimes, I feel like I only exist to fit a role everyone made for me. I don’t know yet who I am, I am still in the process of getting to know myself. And yet everyone has this image of me already and people only ask questions but have their own preferred responses. No one asks why I feel what I feel or why I chose what I chose,” Jaemin says.

“So you don’t mind if I ask more questions?” Mark asks.

Jaemin raises his left eyebrow and a smirk appears on his pretty mouth.

“Seems like you have some questions you’ve been keeping for a long time now.”

“I’m just curious… I’m curious how you found my soundcloud. I didn’t know how to bring it up to you because it was a cause of bad rumors.”

“Oh that! I should have explained it earlier. I didn’t know it was the soundcloud links that caused all the gossip, to be honest. I thought people overheard my friends teasing me about you and stirred the rumors.”

“I don’t understand. What were they teasing you?”

“Wait, I’ll explain the soundcloud first. I promise I’m not a stalker. You actually gave me your account. Not to me exactly but you wrote it down in the profile sheet when you first joined the volunteer club. I thought the account was a public knowledge so I checked it out and I liked everything,” Jaemin says, a small smile playing on his lips like he was trying not to praise Mark too much.

But he didn’t need to because this is a big deal for Mark, that someone appreciates the music he shares to the world. Especially coming from the boy Mark admired from afar for a long time. He can feel his cheeks and ears heating up so he tried to hide them. Jaemin noticed this and laughed.

“Do I make your heart flutter Mark Lee?” Jaemin says, a hint of laughter in his tone.

“Stop teasing me, Jaemin,” he says.

“But I like it when your ears turn red because of me. And you scrunch your nose really cutely when you get fake angry at me.”

“You complimented me and I’m flattered, okay,” Mark says. “This is a natural reaction.”

“Is it okay if I keep doing this?” Jaemin asks. Mark noticed a shift in his face like he wants to talk seriously now.

“This… what?” he asks.

“This… I don’t know… listening to your music? Being this close to you? Complimenting you because you deserve it?” Jaemin says, rambling.

And Mark suddenly realized that Jaemin is feeling conscious too of their fragile friendship. It’s been bothering Mark, that maybe he is liking this closeness with Jaemin but it’s only a temporary set-up for them. Mark is scared he’d only get his heartbroken.

“The complimenting part… it’s only fair if I get to compliment you back right?” Mark says.

Jaemin releases a heavy breath, like he was nervously waiting for Mark’s reply, and smiled brightly at him.

“I don’t mind that much then,” Jaemin says. “As long as I get to say what I want to say to you too.”

Mark wants to say more when his phone suddenly buzzed.

“My friends are coming over, is that okay?” Mark asks after reading Renjun’s message. “They’re bringing pizza for us. Which is totally because of you and not because they like me that much.”

“Oh!” Jaemin says. “ They know I’m here? Do I need to leave now?”

“You don’t have to leave! In fact, I’d like it if you’d stay. We’re friends right? I think you’d get along with my friends too.”

“Are you sure they won’t mind?” Jaemin asks, hesitation in his voice. “Because I’d really like it too if I can be friends with them.”

“They are excited to meet you. Especially Renjun because he’s a fan of you and….” Mark says, before freezing. He and Jaemin haven’t talked about Jeno and their break up yet. He’s not sure if it’s a topic they can talk about.

“Jeno and I?” Jaemin asks. “It’s not like it’s taboo topic, Mark. We broke up but it’s not even really a big deal anymore.”

“I wasn’t sure if you are comfortable talking about it,” Mark says.  
“Jeno and I… it’s so simple but people seem to have difficulty accepting it. One day we just realized we are not in love with each other anymore. We love each other and still are the best of friends but that’s the most we feel for each other,” Jaemin says.

Mark sees different emotions play on Jaemin’s face. He thinks there is a hint of regret, of nostalgia, and of annoyance. But there is also contentment and Mark feels like he is being intrusive again of Jaemin’s life.

“The breakup was mutual?” Mark asks, focusing on Jaemin’s words rather than the emotions.

“Yes. At first we fought a lot because we were both in denial. Then we talked about it. There was no cheating or dramatic turn around. People just want some drama. We relied on each other for so long, thinking we don’t need anyone else. But when we realized what we have is just companionship, it was hard to stay together.”

“Are you okay now?” Mark asks, staring directly into Jaemin’s eyes. This is the question he wanted to ask the most.

“Jeno and I are fine. We are still friends. He’s still my best friend.”

“No, not that. I mean you. Are you okay?” Mark asks again.

Jaemin’s eyes grew wide with surprise, like he was not expecting that question. Then he smiles and Mark feels his heart pound just a bit.

“I’m really happy now where I am,” Jaemin says. It’s not a direct answer and yet Mark appreciates it a lot. He hopes he gets to keep seeing Jaemin happy, just like how he is now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to my favorite boy, the brightest star, Na Jaemin! Thank you for being a blessing to us.


End file.
